I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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