Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
This is my gift to your gina
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize