yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
