oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
