you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize