Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
