I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize