How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
