She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
