Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize