Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
