my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
