exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
