Is it normal to miss your booty call?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
