I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
