I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
