everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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