new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
