Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
