my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
