you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
