Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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