absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
