we have officially lost it.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
