There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
