I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
