mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
