Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
