I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
