wanna go halves on a baby?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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