What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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