just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
