It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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