If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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