dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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