so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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