Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
