I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
