i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
