when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
