Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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