i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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