I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
