After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
