If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
