Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you didnt know i had herpes?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
