Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize