Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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