New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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