Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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