Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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