Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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