Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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