Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
