Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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