you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
