She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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