My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
