dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Randomize
