Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
