trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
