I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
