the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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