He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
