I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
