apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
