Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
This baby is an asshole
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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