Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
