The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
