So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
