I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
