Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
