I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
