so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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