Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
