Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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