I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
