I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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