I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize