Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize