Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
