WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
