Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
