I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
if only i could text you this smell
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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