Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
