nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
