I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
