It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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