Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
