I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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