Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
