i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
