finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
This baby is an asshole
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
