Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize