If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I touched a dick in church today
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
