I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
