I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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