I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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