i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
