this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
