and she was petting her beer can
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
