i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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