Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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