So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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