Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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